Awesome Lunch Dialogue

So, this afternoon I hit the Taco Bell on my way back to work from running an errand. As I'm pulling out of the drive-thru, I see a young kid in a big, muddy pickup truck off to the side of the parking lot heave his empty taco trash bag out his car window.

I pull up beside him and roll my window down. "Hi," I smiled cheerfully. "I think you accidentally dropped something."

Puzzled, he says, "Bwuh?"

I said again, "I think you dropped something by mistake from your car."

"I what?"

"That bag there, on the ground, I think you dropped that by mistake."

He looked out the window and to the ground, with the dead carcass of trash by his door. "Oh, yea, I meant to hit the truck bed." (which was a gigantic lie). He gets out of the truck and pitches the garbage bag into the back.

As I pull off and get about 10 feet away, I hear him mutter, "Mind your own business, bitch."

I slammed my car into reverse and pull up alongside him again. Smiling, but obviously pissed, I say "I'm sorry - I missed that. Did you say something?"

He stutters and fumbles for a moment, then says, "I said you should mind your own business."

"DUDE!" I offer. "You don't need to LITTER, right?"

"Mind your own business, bitch."

The conversation degenerates at that point. "Fuck you," I growl as I shake my head at him. "Fuck YOU!" he retorts.

My only consolation is that as we pull away and end up at the stoplight together, I glare at him but he doesn't glare back. I fully expected him to flip me off, but I think he was actually intimidated by "some crazy bitch at the drive-thru".

YES! Victory is mine!

Some Good Left in the World

I left the following as a comment on my buddy Trelvix's page today. I'm going to re-purpose it here as a reminder to MYSELF of the importance of keeping a pair of pants within arm's reach of the bed. It saved my butt this morning...

Foaming dogs, good. Doorbell ringers, bad. Today, however, proved me wrong.

I was awakened (ON A FREAKING SATURDAY MORNING, MIND YOU) at 8:40 a.m. by my two insane braying labradors trying to eject themselves through the picture window (if it had been two hours later, I would have ignored it as it would have been the mailman). The doorbell rang.

I rolled over and looked at the clock one more time... WHAT THE FUCK?? I had to see what kind of ASSHOLE would be at my front door at that early hour on a SATURDAY, just so I could give them a solid tongue lashing.

Standing there were two of THE MOST ADORABLE boy scouts I have ever seen. All decked out in their scarves and badges, holding empty plastic garbage sacks.

"Good morning ma'am, my name is Billy Blabbedyblah from Troop 29, and we are collecting food donations for the homeless shelter today. Would you be able to help us?"

Of course I melted immediately, emptied my pantry in to their sacks, and watched as they handed the sacks to Mom in the car and RAN up the hill to the next house.

It was a good way to start the day, albeit an EARLIER way than I would have preferred.