TUESDAY football? WTF?

So my Hawkeyes get invited to the 2010 Orange Bowl. That's cool. But it's played on TUESDAY, JANUARY 5th. WHAT? TUESDAY?

I wanna have a big ol' bowl party, but who can get f*cked up on a Tuesday, knowing you have to get up and go to work the next morning? That's ridonkulous.

Dammit. Why couldn't they be playing in the Rose Bowl on New Year's Day??? Although to be perfectly honest, they'd likely get their clocks cleaned by Oregon, so probably a good thing they're not in the Rose Bowl... but still. TUESDAY? Ugh.

Anyway, congratulations to my Hawkeyes for a great season!!

Getting Old Sucks Ass

So, I went in for my annual mammogram a couple weeks ago. Then they call me back last week. "We need you to come in for some more pictures." Great.

After smashing, smooshing, squeezing, pinching, poking, flattening, squashing and pretty much rearranging my boob into every conceivable position, the doctor tells me there's an area on my right breast that is causing her some concern. "It just doesn't look like anything I've ever seen before."

Shit. That's me for sure. If I'm going to have something goofed up, it's going to be an UN-NORMAL goofed up. Of course this squiggle is in an area that they can't do a needle biopsy, so she recommends a SURGICAL biopsy. Fuck.

So I go see my normal GP this afternoon. She tells me that although the doctor I saw last week is "one of the best... she's brilliant," she still thinks I need to get a second opinion before I have the biopsy. Seems that GETTING A FUCKING BIOPSY can actually INCREASE your chances of getting cancer. So, if this calcification squiggle thing is NOTHING, I'm actually putting myself at a higher risk of getting cancer later because I have to have the biopsy now to tell me that this, right now, is nothing. WHAT?? That's bullshit. What the hell am I supposed to do? Now I have to go get the films from last week and schlep them over to a new doctor for her to look at.

On top of all that, my GP tells me that being OVERWEIGHT adds like a 70% increase in the chance of developing some type of cancer. WTF? Swell.

I'm not worrying that it's cancer. Yet. No use borrowing trouble. But with the year I've been having, I'm trying to prep myself for the worst. The next couple weeks, while I wait to see the second doctor, are going to suck. Bleh.

How Long Does it Take?

So, just how long exactly does it take to "get over" someone?? I wish there were some friggin' switch you could just flip off.

My ex-husband hurt me so deeply that I think I will loathe him forever. That's how I honestly feel about it. So why the hell did I get upset a couple nights ago when I show up at a concert and he's sitting a couple rows ahead of me hanging all over this skank-ass girlfriend?? Why should I care? Why the hell did it bother me??!! Why couldn't I just say "good riddance to bad rubbish" and look the other way?

I know it's only been 7 months since we decided to split. Only four months since the divorce was official. But those were some really gut-wrenching months, when my total love for him turned to complete disgust, and I really thought I was done with the whole thing and moving on with my life. So it really pissed me off that I was feeling these angry feelings about seeing them there together, angry that it kind of put me in a funk and distracted me from an awesome concert.

Why did that bother me?? I just don't get it. I want to put that all behind me. AARGH!

A Hero

Other than my Aunt Mary, I think this might be the woman I want to be when I get older!!
http://growingbolder.com/media/technology/vehicles/romancing-the-road-259598.html

The Silver Lining

The first half of the year has completely flown by. I can't even begin to comprehend what a strange journey it's been so far. Sometimes you see events in your life coming from a mile away... and sometimes they blind-side you. Ya just gotta roll with the punches.

I had the wind completely knocked out of me in January when I discovered my now-ex husband was completely incapable of having a monogamous relationship... EVER. I thought getting a divorce after 15 years of marriage would kill me. Much to my surprise, the period of mourning was relatively short-lived, and my friends and family have rallied around me and made me feel how lucky and blessed I am.

Then there's the problems with the knees. Arthroscopic surgery in June, and four weeks later I'm still hobbling. But as screwed-up as my knee was (torn cartilage on both sides, spurs, arthritis, etc.), I suppose it could be worse. At least it IS improving... just more slowly than I'd like.

The great things that have happened this year are the renewed relationships with friends, and the building of a stronger bond with my two incredible step-daughters. Watching them turn in to amazing young women has been a rewarding experience. I also feel a sense of hope that at some point in my future I'll find a loving man who will appreciate what a great catch I am... heehee!!

As I reflect on the last couple months of concerts, bar-b-ques, road trips and the occasional quite time of reflection, I once again realize that every cloud has a silver lining. After every storm, the sun will once again kiss the earth with its warmth and make everything new again.

I hope to take this renewed energy in to the second half of the year and conquer the few lingering fears I have about single life what the future might hold for me. Time to find my muse!!

Summer Fun. Hats are good.

Up at Bro Jim's house last week for another beautiful evening with fun friends and tasty grilled edibles. Not sure how the whole "let's all put on hats" topic came about... but I guess that's what too many bottles of wine can do to ya!!

Maybe we've started a new tradition. :)

Beer is Good

It seemed like it would be too cold of a cold day to be outside drinking beer, but the sun was warm and the fellowship even warmer.

I wanted to stay longer. I REALLLY wanted to stay longer. I had not yet finished meeting all the attendees, colorful characters like Dirty, Dirty Martini Girl... Big Daddy... and Dude with Horns and Pelt on his Construction Hat... So many characters, so little time. But we had other things to do and people to see. Damn.

So, until next year, BockFest, when I shall make sure my calendar is free of other obligations. Thank you for your smokey ash-spewing fire and free-flowing (and inexpensive) excellent beers. I miss you already.

Rhinestone Sunglasses Make EVERYONE Look Good

Our trip to Palm Desert couldn't have been any better. Weather: fabulous. Cocktails: fabulous. Friends and Fam: fabulous. Our flights were even on time and our luggage made it both directions - holy crap... when was the last time THAT happened!!??

I really wanted to buy another pair of rhinestone sunglasses this year, but they were just too expensive and the seller didn't want to haggle! What? haha. However, the pair I bought last year DID make the rounds one gorgeous, sunny afternoon on the patio.

Enjoy.

Wondering What's Next

My life has had so few bumps in the road, relatively speaking. I have friends and family who seem to have drama every other freaking minute. Not me. Until recently, that is.

BIG bump. Kapow. Still trying to figure things out, and it has me a bit flummoxed. What to think. How to feel. How to ACT. And REACT. It's sort of like being in pitch blackness and having to feel around to figure out how to get the hell out without stubbing your toe or smashing your face into the wall.

Little baby steps.

I don't like little baby steps.

But, I guess you do what you have to do to get over the bump. I'll be glad when the bump is no more. When I'm comfortable being me again. That day can't get here soon enough.

Glass Half Full

Life is what it is.

The person that said that to me today has come SUCH a long way in her young, young life, and I couldn't be happier. It's so incredibly powerful when one finally come to that conclusion. It's important though, VERY important, to recite that phrase with a glass half full attitude, not glass half empty.

If you're a glass half empty type of person, "Life is what it is" means "Why try any harder?" or "No use making an effort to change." That's complete bullshit. A fatalist mentality.

But if you're a glass half full person, "Life is what it is" means that into every life a little rain must fall, but that only makes you appreciate the sunshine that much more. When you experience sorrow, it only makes you embrace joy all the more. It means you DO try all that much harder, that you make every effort you can to change and make things better.

Life is an incredible journey. If you take the time to learn from your mistakes, appreciate what you HAVE instead of wasting time by longing for things you DON'T, take joy in every day spent with sight, with hearing, with the use of your hands, your voice, your taste and smell... appreciating all the things you have and can do that others don't and cannot... THIS is when the phrase "Life is what it is" becomes powerful.

I'm experiencing some severe heartbreak and sorrow in my life right now, but this too shall pass. I know that what awaits me when I emerge on the other side will be shiny and new, full of experiences waiting to be explored.

Though the water is a bit murky right now, my glass is definitely half full.

New Year. New Attempt.

Well, here we are, a couple days in to a brand new year. I have but one resolution. It's the same one I've had for about 5 years now. The same one at which I continue to fail miserably. Only this time there's consequences for failure.

Early in the 4th quarter of 2008, I was diagnosed with some pretty severe arthritis in both my knees. It's a genetic problem that runs in my family... awesome hair, bad joints. Go figure. Carrying around 100 extra pounds has only exacerbated the problem, but worse than that, I really don't want to have any type of surgery weighing what I weigh.

Now the resolution has some meaning. How can I continue to eat whatever the hell I want, carrying around all this flab and feeling like every time I stand up someone is smashing my knees with a baseball bat? How long can I continue to wake up in the middle of the night wondering what mother-f'er rammed a flaming hot poker under my knee cap? It's really impacting my life. You should see me hobble through the parking lot to my car. Sad and pathetic.

So, this is it. Do or die time.

If you've set resolutions for yourself, I wish you luck with them. I sure as hell am keeping my fingers crossed with mine.