Lesson Learned

So, last year my oldest step-daughter and I had an incredibly successful adventure during the 4:00 a.m. pre-dawn-post-Thanksgiving blitzkrieg that is known as black Friday. We descended on Walmart, resplendent in our bed-head hair and barely out of our pajamas, with a plan of attack and eyes firmly on the prize.

Not only did we score the several objects of our desire, but we struck like ninjas and were in and out of there inside of 30 minutes. In fact, we had a leisurely saunter next door to the Sam's Club where we scored free breakfast and played Guitar Hero. It was actually quite exhilarating and satisfying. Last year's outing was my first foray into this ridiculous shopping debacle, and now I know how incredibly fortunate we were.

With the 2006 success still in mind, Carlos and I made our plans to attack the local Target this year at 6:00 a.m. the day after Thanksgiving, to score several large-dollar items that were priced ridiculously low for the day.

Step one of the failure: I set my alarm but forget to turn it on. Incredibly, I awake up at 5:50 a.m. I wake up Carlos, "SHIT - we're late! Pull on some pants and let's get rolling!" We're up and out the door in 10 minutes.

Step two of the failure: We hit the Target parking lot at 6:08. Parking lot is already so full that we have to park in the north 40. It's witch's-tit-in-a-brass-bra cold outside, and we're walking in from bumblefuck Egypt.

Step three of the failure: Walk into the store and it's mass pandemonium as far as the eye can see. I try to steer my cart through the teeming throng towards the electronics department and abandon it about halfway there. "Here, you stay here with the cart - I'll signal you." I say to Carlos. I push my way back to the televisions, only to find the shelves bare, and no salespeople as far as the eye can see. It's now about 6:15. I ask a fellow shopper if they have any clue. "Oh, the TVs that were on sale? They had those back by the fitting rooms, and those were all gone by about 6:02."

FUCK ME. Back by the fitting rooms? And gone already??? It's 15 fricking minutes after the store opened! By this time I am so pissed with people pushing and shoving that by the time I find my way back to Carlos I have had enough. "This mission is aborted," I say, shaking my head. "What a giant cluster-fuck" he commiserates.

Even though we have about 7 other items on our list, I already know that the blank CDs that are on sale are NOT with the blank CDs, since I stood and watched a woman wanking at a sales clerk about why the hell they weren't over here with the rest of the CDs and he only had some lame excuse about there being an endcap display in the baby clothes isle, or some dispshit excuse like that.

Like I want to wander all over the store in search of a digital photo frame that's hidden between the cat litter and mop-and-glo? Whose fucking brilliant idea is that?

We walked out empty-handed and went home and went back to sleep. I just figure maybe that was God's way of saving me a shit-load of money, but I was still mad. How can Target advertise this as a "TWO-DAY EVENT" when everything that is on sale is gone in the first 10 minutes of day one? AAARGHHHHH!! Damn retailers.